I want to give up.
Today is a day where I look at the stack of papers.
I look at the dollar sign … + the large number that follows it.
I feel defeated.
I feel scared.
I wonder if we’ll have the endurance to climb the mountain.
I doubt if we can do it.
I feel a bit like David. + adoption is Goliath.
no no no. Hear me out. Adoption is not Goliath.
But right now.
at this moment.
The journey feels like a giant. like a mountain. Like an ironman … that I haven’t trained for.
I feel discouraged.
Last night, Andy + I sat down + talked about priorities. We cried. We dreamed. We both know that this next step, our adoption journey, is the next step for us.
We have a peace.
We know that we are facing some road blocks: not a closed door.
Sometimes it’s easy to blame a bump in the road for a reason to turn around. To quit dreaming. To quit trying to dent this universe. A small dent, but a dent nonetheless.
Even though at this time, it is difficult for us to feel like we can make it to the finish line.
We also know that we can’t do it.
This morning I woke up early.
I threw on my robe + curled up on the couch as my family was still + dreaming.
I read. I wrote.
I realized that I’ve been trying. Trying to juggle everything myself.
Placing my identity in being a wife. Placing my identity in being a mom. A friend. A homemaker. An employee. An owner.
You can see these identities in my actions. The way I live my life.
Placing my identity in being a child of Him. my Father.
Can you see this identity in my actions? In the way I live my life?
I’m not sure.
+ that needs to change.