I want to give up.
Today is a day where I look at the stack of papers.
I look at the dollar sign … + the large number that follows it.
I feel defeated.
I feel scared.
I wonder if we’ll have the endurance to climb the mountain.
I doubt if we can do it.
I feel a bit like David. + adoption is Goliath.
no no no. Hear me out. Adoption is not Goliath.
But right now.
at this moment.
The journey feels like a giant. like a mountain. Like an ironman … that I haven’t trained for.
I feel discouraged.
Last night, Andy + I sat down + talked about priorities. We cried. We dreamed. We both know that this next step, our adoption journey, is the next step for us.
We have a peace.
We know that we are facing some road blocks: not a closed door.
Sometimes it’s easy to blame a bump in the road for a reason to turn around. To quit dreaming. To quit trying to dent this universe. A small dent, but a dent nonetheless.
Even though at this time, it is difficult for us to feel like we can make it to the finish line.
We also know that we can’t do it.
Not alone.
This morning I woke up early.
I threw on my robe + curled up on the couch as my family was still + dreaming.
I read. I wrote.
I realized that I’ve been trying. Trying to juggle everything myself.
Placing my identity in being a wife. Placing my identity in being a mom. A friend. A homemaker. An employee. An owner.
You can see these identities in my actions. The way I live my life.
Placing my identity in being a child of Him. my Father.
Can you see this identity in my actions? In the way I live my life?
I’m not sure.
+ that needs to change.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that part of finding your identity as a child of the living God is fulfilling your God-given rolls with enthusiasm, grace and dignity. Being a wife. Being a mom. That’s all part of what God has called you to do. And the way you do it…that speaks volumes about your relationship with Christ. They aren’t in conflict with one another, they are in a beautiful dance together. And yes, we can see your identity in your actions.
Don’t be discouraged by the mountain ahead of you. At the top is a beautiful gift. You already know God has to do this. You’ve already seen Him provide in enormous, amazing, miraculous ways for you and your family. Your testimonies are countless. His grace is boundless. Be encouraged. (and be loved)
Take it day by day, step by step. Don’t overwhelm your mind thinking too far out. You’re amazing. Keep trecking.
You can do this.
Tiffany is right. Baby steps. When you think too far out, you overwhelm yourself with things you can’t control anyway. It’s out of your hands.
Concentrate on today. What can you do TODAY?
Also? Love to you. You can do this.
(I know I said that already, but I wanted to make sure you knew I meant business! YOU CAN DO IT!)
you got it, girl. You’ll look back in amazement at your bravery.
Rachael: can you please move to Pittsburgh? Or can we schedule a weekly skype/phone date? You don’t realize how much you encourage me!!
One of my good friends gave his testimony of his past 4 years at college during chapel the other night, and one things he said was sometimes, doors close, but sometimes, God’s not closing that door for you to turn around and go somewhere else. Rather, he’s closing it for you to knock it down and keep living for Him and serving Him with what you’ve felt called to do the entire time.
Let me tell you, God has done amazing things in his life since those doors were “closing” 3 years ago. I see God in you everytime I see you and talk with you. (you already know how I feel about you as a role model to me). :) but really, I see it always. And I love you. And I’m so excited for you to be adopting. I love it. Keep pushing those doors down, Meg. God’s working, even when some doors seem to be closing.
Love you!
you just made me cry. You have no idea how much I look up to YOU!!!
Our adoption agency lost (misplaced) our completed paperwork when they moved their office. We had to recreate it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and we’re moving forward.