Hi y’all! I am beyond humbled + honored to be a part of a blog tour for Lysa Terkeurst’s new book, Unglued. You’ll probably hear me say that a few times throughout this post, but it’s true. I’m so excited for two of you to win your own copy of Unglued, I’m honored to have Lysa’s writing on the blog today, and I’m humbled to be included in this blog tour! Be sure to click that little square graphic over there on the right, to check out the other bloggers! They are excellent.
If you are visiting from the Unglued blog tour: Hi!!
*waves hello*
I’m so happy you are here!
I received a copy of Unglued a few weeks ago. I’ve started reading it, and to say I love it wouldn’t really be correct. I’ve needed it. I need it now. Becoming a mother has turned my whole world upside down in the best of ways. So I’m learning a new normal. I’m learning + growing up, and this book has been so applicable. I’ve wanted to tear through it quickly, but I’m forcing myself to read it slowly, digesting it + making new choices and creating new habits.
Recently I’ve found myself reacting to situations instead of responding. We tend to notice faults in others that are prevalent in ourselves, right? I’m so quick to point out these problems in those I love around me, yet I’m so slow to see it in my own life.
Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotion.
That sentence is the subtitle for Unglued, and it captures my prayers so perfectly. As I’ve been studying the book of Proverbs with my She Reads Truth community, my desire for His wisdom has never been stronger. I pray that those words can ring true in my life: that I would be one to respond + not react, be wise + not foolish, and be quick to listen, regardless of the situation or life’s trials.
So now I’d like to “introduce” you to Lysa. Lysa is a New York Times best selling author, speaker and President of Proverbs 31 Ministries. I could go on and on with credentials, but instead, I’ll let you read her guest post for today: {psst! don’t forget to enter the giveaway at the end of this post!}
Pretending I’m Fine, Proving I’m Right
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 (NIV)
If someone says something or does something that hurts me, what is the godly response? Is it to pretend like everything is fine so I can keep the peace? Or is it in confronting the person to prove how wrong they are?
Neither.
If ever I catch myself pretending or proving, I know I’m processing my hurt the wrong way.
The right way is approaching this situation with soul integrity—responding in a way that’s honest but also peacemaking. James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure (honest); then peace-loving …” Yes, I want this kind of wisdom—this soul integrity. I want to be honest and peacemaking at the same time. But how?
I must remember I need real honesty combined with real peacemaking.
Real Honesty
Not all honest expressions of my feelings are real honesty. You see, my honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. I can be honest with how I feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is factually true. I can feel justified in being blatant about my feelings—not hiding a thing—and prideful for being so real, all under the guise of being honest enough not to stuff.
But in reality, honesty that isn’t true isn’t honesty at all. It may just be emotional spewing. That’s why we need peacemaking honesty—honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit—if we’re going to have authentic soul integrity.
So, if I want real honesty, I have to ask the Holy Spirit to show me real truth. I need to see things from the other person’s perspective. I need to ask questions of them with the desire to better understand instead of throwing out statements of accusation. Ultimately my goal should be to add peacemaking to my honesty.
Real Peacemaking
At the same time, it must also grieve God to see plastic versions of peacemaking that aren’t reined in by honesty. That’s what we do when we stuff and pretend everything is okay. The upside of stuffing is that we have the semblance of peacemakers. But when we do this at the expense of honesty, we harbor a corrosive bitterness that will eventually emerge. Either it will erode our health and later present itself in a host of emotional and physical anxiety-induced illnesses, or it will accumulate over time and surprise everyone when the peacemaker eventually erupts. Saying “I’m fine” to keep the peace, when we’re really not fine, isn’t honest.
Sometimes dishonesty comes in the form of saying things that aren’t true. But it’s also dishonest when we fail to say things that are true.
It may seem godly in the moment, but it’s false godliness. Truth and godliness always walk hand-in-hand. The minute we divorce one from the other, we stray from soul integrity and give a foothold to the instability that inevitably leads to coming unglued.
Yes, we’re after soul integrity—honesty that is also peacemaking that leads to godliness. This soul integrity brings balance to unglued reactions. It makes us true peacemakers—people who aren’t proving or pretending but rather honestly demonstrating what they are experiencing in a godly manner. And being a true peacemaker reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives: right things, godly things, healthy things.
Do you find yourself stuck in the same reactions? Your feelings are hurt, but you stuff them to keep the peace. Or maybe you explode and yell, instead of calmly talking it out? Sometimes we need a friend to encourage us as we make right, godly, healthy changes.
:: :: :: :: ::
I’m so thrilled that two of you can win your own copy of Unglued! I wanted to make it as easy as possible, so just be sure you are logged into facebook or twitter for the optional entries!
A few other bits of information! Or housekeeping as I sometimes call them:
Don’t forget to check out the other bloggers participating in this blog tour!
You can buy a copy of Unglued from Amazon, either paperback or kindle.
If you’d like to watch the trailer for Unglued, click here!
xoxo
Disclosure: I was compensated with my own copy of Unglued free of charge. Zondervan is providing books for the 2 winners of this giveaway. My opinions, thoughts, and choices are my own, and they cannot be bought.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
I am really glad to hear about this book! I have been having the hardest time keeping myself in check emotionally lately, I’ve been crying or yelling at the drop of a hat. I am really excited about the idea of peacemaking meeting honesty in soul integrity, I can’t wait to read this!
I need this book. Even if I don’t win it, I either need to borrow your copy or get one for myself.
see also: me stuffing down emotions to be a good wife, good daughter, good momma. I need help.
Um, need this. Just going to leave it at that. ;)
Thanks!
I’ve been hearing so much about this book recently and can’t wait to read it!
This sounds like a GREAT book to read as I go back to school. I find myself struggling with this honesty in my feelings issue with my students. How to react in a Godly way that will both teach and guide them, yet keep the peace without being a jerky hard ass teacher, ya know?
The thing that causes me to become unglued- not being in control!
the thing that causes me to come unglued is loss of control. i’m working on it. ;)
You’re right. I come unglued when I get annoyed with something someone does, and then doubly unglued when it hits me that I have the same fault!
I think the key this is what you started with – CREATING NEW HABITS. As the mom of three two year olds, this is the place where I can implement new habits and techniques instead of repeating bad ones I’ve seen employed. And motherhood is surely a landmine for becoming unglued.
I’ve been looking forward to reading this book! Would be great to win a copy. I can definitely relate to the pretending I’m fine, proving I’m right.
With my 5 sweet 5&unders and starting the new adventure of homeschooling, I can DEFINITELY use this kind of encouragement : ) I’d love to read this book!!
My kids and husband cause me to become unglued. Also the stress of making important, life-changing decisions. And oh yeah, bills.
i’ve always had a hard time dealing with disagreements. i’m really, really good at listening and processing, but not so much at the communicating and working through. this book will definitely go on my list of books to read.
p.s. my anti-spam word? “my ho” um, excuse me? ha!
Haha – back story!! I used to call Andy that :) Long story!!! hahahaha
The concept of Soul Integrity makes such sense…such a worthy goal…I’m ordering the book today…if I win, I’ll have one to give to a friend! :)
Oh man. I NEED this book!
I SO need this book! I get unglued when I feel like I don’t have control!
I've heard great things about this book and would love to read it!
This was a lot to take it, but it's so true of all of us. I'm so thankful God loves us even as we are!
Thanks for sharing this, Gail! I can't wait to read this!!!
I’ve heard so many good things about this book – I’d love to read it!
um, yes. I need to read this. I’m not surprised that you posted this today because um, this is when I need it, for lack of explanation. ;)
I would love to win this book
Soul-integrity and peace-making through honesty. 2 things I’d like to dig deeper into. Sweet of you to offer this book!
Stress and worry are huge factors in causing me to become unglued. Worrying about things that are outside of my control.
This book sounds awesome I’d love to be one of the lucky winners but if I’m not a winner it is going on my must buy list!
Thanks for offering this awesome giveaway!
Stress, worry, and decisions that other people are making cause me to come unglued.
I turn 40 tomorrow and am coming unglued a lot more often!
I’ve been struggling with approval issues my whole life and that really is the core of my unglued problems. I obviously have a lot more than that, but that is the one thing that is the stickiest. I can be doing great and somebody doesn’t approve of me, I’m unglued. I am working hard on this problem with my Creator!
Excited to get my hands on a copy of this book!
I come unglued occasionally at my two young boys. Their brains just don't work like mine does and some days I wonder if their brains work at all. :)
Balancing my job and…well, basically anything else! Can’t wait to add baby to the mix!
I think that I come unglued at rude people. I feel like I need to get a last word in or put them in their place. It has always been a struggle of mine to want to humble people, but I really do have to let go of that and just remember that I am NOT in control.
I got the following results in which I totally agree with.
Stuffer who collect retaliation rocks.
In this relationship you do not express your emotions but stuff them down. You hold on to each disagreement or frustration and form internal rocks of bitterness that you later hurl at the other person when you’ve reached your limit. The rocks are all the proof of how wrong they are and you can’t wait for the right opportunity to prove your case. Lysa TerKeurst’s Biblically-based book, Unglued, will help you know healthy ways to address conflict when it arises. She’ll help you understand how asking one profound question will add more peace and honesty in your relationships than you ever thought possible.
I come ‘unglued’ when i am tired or when I am intrupted! I love the concept of this book and think its something that everyone needs to perfect and have an awareness of!
I come unglued when I feel I’m not in control. I’m not a control freak or anything, but with 2 girls ages 2 and 6, who have minds, thoughts and feelings of their own, every day is a trial!
When my boys break item# 10254 from continuing to throw footballs, lacrosse balls, etc in the house when they think I’m not looking. ugh!
So I went to copy & paste what my assessment said & it won’t let me…it pretty much nailed me in saying I react to how other’s treat me & blame them. Hmmmm anyone want to be my friend?! VERY convicting & hope I win so that I can learn a better way to be a better friend when I get upset :)
Loved this… "if I ever catch myself pretending or proving, I know I'm processing my hurt the wrong way" So true and perfectly said.
Tami @ http://www.feedingahungrysoul.com.
Loved this… “if I ever catch myself pretending or proving, I know I’m processing my hurt the wrong way” So true and perfectly said.
Tami @ http://www.feedingahungrysoul.com.
Been coming unglued for a long time now…looking for some fresh words and real talk about what it takes to daily come to God with my suitcase of stuff!
I come unglued when I am trying to so some thing and every one is asking for some thing. I am sure that there are many other time but that is the most recent :)
My three neighbors smoking and it comes into my Apartment causes me to really come Unglued!!! :(
Thanks for the chance to win Lysa’s book! I definitely come unglued when I feel overwhelmed, tired, and stretched way too thin…which is about every day :)
I loved the part about traffic in the webcast. I have often told myself that being stuck in traffic is probably keeping me safe. And, yes, I turn up the radio and sing loud!
I try to be a patient mama but I notice myself becoming unglued so much more easily in the late afternoon. That time period right before dinner where everyone (including me) is hungry and tired can be a tough one at times. I’d like to find out what this book has to say about reacting vs. responding!
I feel unglued in the evenings, when the house s a wreck, the kids aren’t listening and we are all tired.
I come unglued when there is lack of sleep followed by difficult days with toddlers. :( Would love to read this book. :)
I come unglued when those close to me get tied up in knots/worked up about the latest gimmick, advertisement, shiny/pretty thing, TV show, movie, whatever — but have an apathetic attitude about the relational things in life. Stuff doesn’t matter – not even the “good” stuff. Our relationships matter – especially the relationship we have and nuture with our Father. Apathy about and toward faith leaves me anything BUT apathetic. I know the best and first response should be prayer … but too often, I let my mouth override my brain and my mouth isn’t exactly saying a prayer. God still has a lot of work left to do in me.
I become unglued very easily with 2 littles and being 8 months pregnant! I’ve been wanting (and NEEDING) this book very badly!
Can you please remove my posts below of August 22, 2012? And this one. Thank you. Crystal
done and done :) xo!