I remember walking into the lunch room in 4th grade.

Today I will be the shy one.  Today I will listen + not talk.

Instead I found myself being the shy one for all of 5 minutes.

I remember getting my report card.  I remember parent-teacher conferences.

She is a great student, but she needs to work on not talking so much.

[always]

I remember like it was yesterday [because it was] getting so excited while Andy tells a story, etc. that I interrupt.

I don’t want to. + I don’t want to make excuses.

I really do want to hear his story, + I know it is rude to interrupt.  I really do get so passionate about stories + dreams that I want to finish sentences for him.  

I know that is annoying.

I remember desiring to be quiet + slow to speak.  I wanted to have a voice that people listened to when I spoke.

But instead I tend to speak without thinking much, or at all.

I know that I am who I am for a reason, but I always want to work on pushing myself to be more. 

I remember doubting myself as an equal team member.  Not believing that my voice had worth.

It took me a while to realize that I did have something to say.  + I still do.

I remember taking a blogging break for quite a while.

I didn’t want to be another voice clogging up the internet.  [please hear my heart: I don’t see bloggers as clogging up the internet.  I often read posts all the time that are so powerful, so real…so crystal clear: they are anything but clogging.]

 

I’ve been wrestling with purpose.  I’ve been boxing with my insecurities.  I’ve been debating with practicality.  My fear pushes the mute button on my dreams.

I still struggle with who I am.  Knowing that I’m not an accident + living a life believing that statement is true.

I know I am wonderfully made, He says.

He knows: He made me.

It is a process.

I have a lot to say.

I’m not sure how to say it most of the time.

I need to say it, if even only for me,

or for one person.

I want to be used.

I want to somehow change lives.  Not me, but Him through me.

I want to love hard with the risk of losing much.

I want to find my voice.

+ I want to figure out what that means. 

 

 

 

 

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