It’s the day that the pin drops, but it sounds like a cymbal.
It’s the day that blessings come, but the mess is a distraction.
It’s the day of scratching and straining: desiring more affirmation, yet knowing when it is spoken
the truth is heard, but the lies are the ones sinking in.
It’s the day you wish tears were valuable–because you’d save them all.
You’d buy something pretty.
Use pretty as a bandaid, the cup of coffee: use it to keep going.
It’s the day you feel as though you’re an observer…
watching your choice of action…
hearing yourself say those words…
shaking your head all the while.
It’s the day that the grass looks greener elsewhere.
Even covered in snow: you are confident the green is greener hiding underneath.
It’s the day the mess looks like a mountain; the to-do list, a novel.
Everything just stares you in the face: challenging you.
Daring you to try.
It’s the day you want a do-over.
It’s the day you want to try again.
It’s the day you want to take it all back.
It’s the day you see joy, but it hurts to smile.
It’s the day that doesn’t make sense.
It’s nothing more than the every day, it just feels heavier.
It’s the words you promised yourself didn’t hurt.
But the scabs fell off. They are bleeding.
The insecurities you hear from others begin to well up in you.
The day that makes you stop.
The day that makes you ask
“What needs to change?”
The day that I see once again my perfectionism rearing its ugly head.
Seeing my arms getting stronger because I’m desperately muscling through.
Cleaning house.
Making the mess go away.
Fixing and straightening and dusting and washing.
It works for a while.
The day. That day.
The day when I see that my muscle isn’t enough. And the muscling isn’t needed.
I come to this place again and again.
A place of just plopping the mess down before Him and letting the tears fall.
A place of knowing I am weak–and that is okay–because He is strong.
So you wanted to type out how I feel everyday lately? I’m not very good at surrender. I just wanna be strong enough. Pray for me sister? I’ll pray for you right back. Love.
saying a prayer for you, sweet Nadine!
thanks. xoxo
Wow. Thank you for that post. You. Are. Awesome.
I am really so not!! just couldn’t get these words out of my head as I was driving home… i’m so happy God used them!
Oh my you have done it again. Yes. The ish that is piled on my shoulders and my heart? That is my own doing. I piled that in the wrong place. It goes at God’s feet.
Thank you for putting words to this. Praying.
:) Love you so much, Kate
Beautifully written. Such a good reminder :)
Thank you, Kymberly! I think it’s one I”ll be going to be ready – I need to be reminded over and over.
Beautiful! I have those days so often. Too often! Thank you for sharing :)
I’m so blessed that the words spoke to you, Keren!
So beautiful.
those words mean a lot to me, Jen. xoxox
This was my day summed up beautifully. Just what I needed to hear. You are the best!
i miss you, Kristen!!
Oh friend, this is so beautiful and just what I needed to read – got a little misty eyed at the truth you shared in such precious honesty. You are such a gem, and I adore your heart. Thank you for this!!
I adore you!! I can’t wait to see you again next year! xoxo
This was encouraging to read at 4am today as I can’t sleep and am feeling just this way. And, where do I get that beautiful wrist reminder?
Hi Emily!
I actually made the bracelet – kind of on a whim! I’m hoping to figure out a way to get them into y’all’s hands too!
so beautiful, i’m walking this exact same path every moment of my waking (and sometimes sleeping!) life. and ps: where is that bracelet from! i would love that…
Hi Kylie!! I actually made the bracelet – I’m crazy, i know. haha
And i’m so blessed that these words spoke to you – much love!
xoxo
I think you crawled inside my brain and turned my feelings into words. Yesterday was THIS. And today is a new day, a better day… thank you for your beautiful, brave words.
I was nervous to press that publish button – but I know I needed to. so happy i did.
xoxo
Oh, girl. I have never commented before, but today, I felt as though my own heart was exposed through your words. All week long I have had this intense desire to “perform well.” It doesn’t come from a Christ centered place. It comes from an ugly, prideful place A place where I feel insecure, undesirable, unloveable. I place where I have convinced myself if I serve dinner, and have a tidy house, and a well behaved dog, and an empty laundry basket, and a cleared out inbox then I will have value. I will have worth. I have been swallowed up whole by my anxiety, but as I lay exhausted yesterday I decided to give it all to Him. He’s big enough to handle it all, and to love me through this phase of life. For what it’s worth, you don’t go this alone…
Hi Sara,
I’m so happy you did! Thank you for your kind words – you are an encouragement to me! Isn’t it crazy just how quickly we can slide into this cycle? Ugh. His grace is so good!
Yes, He is!!! And always ready to hold us when we need it. :)
Love to you, sweet friend!
YES!! Praying for YOU sweet girl – I can’t wait to hear about your travels!
I love you. That is all :)
so. so. so thankful for you.
let the truth be heard: you are so loved, friend. and adored and admired and valued.
xoxo
love you, sweet friend.
This is totally my heart today! Speaks so well to me :)
And, I love the bracelet. How can I get one; find one!?
Thank for being such a Light to the Kingdom! May the Lord delight you with His bliss.
so beautiful! thank you for sharing!