Yesterday was a day of ugly crying and praying.
And it wasn’t just because it was Monday.
It was a day when I felt the weakness for real.
It was a day when I felt the pain of brokenness.
It was a day when I looked back and saw all of the ways God was getting my attention.
It was a day that I wished I was a better student, so the learning wouldn’t be so difficult.
A few weeks ago, a friend encouraged me to see the blessings: to view the dreams, talents, all He’s given me as His. Not that I would feel burdened, but freed because it’s not by my strength, but His.
I heard it, but it didn’t sink in.
Then this past Sunday at church I found myself nodding along with the sermon
–probably enough to make the people sitting near me look over at me funny.
But I’m okay with that.
As Pastor Freedom spoke about fear, he said something that I’d never heard before:
When we fear something, we end up trying so hard to make that fear go away that we tend do the opposite: sometimes to the point of making that fear a reality.
I was talking with a friend, and I admitted my fear. She used the word paralyzed and it struck a chord.
This word captured my feelings and frustrations at this very moment–I was allowing fear to leave me paralyzed.
So I’m just going to ramble for a minute, is that okay?
A little a lot more vulnerable then I like, but it’s what is going on.
I need to quiet the lies: speak the truth and learn to be a little more vulnerable.
Are there lies that you need to quiet by speaking truth?
ps: I am okay. I am ready to stop this season of doing it on my own. xoxo