Can I pretend for a moment that you aren’t here, reading these words?
I need a moment to write and process–for me.
I’d by lying if I said I haven’t been struggling with why I share in this space.
I read my posts over the past weeks: they feel disjointed, distant.
I’m not sure why, well, I kind of do.
I’m a why girl.
I’m a black or white person.
I’m a do it well or don’t do it at all human being.
I struggle sharing the junk when I’m in it–and these are current feelings, current struggles.
I took a break from blogging a few years ago: I wanted to come backing knowing my why.
I didn’t.
I’m a mom: do I write about motherhood?
I love fashion: do I post my outfits? my fashion tips?
I am an artist: do I share my art? my designs?
I love teaching: do I create projects, tutorials, and DIYs?
I love new food: do I share new recipes and creations?
I love finding new small businesses and designs: do I feature them?
I love creating and giving: do I giveaway a CoconutRobot design more often?
I know these questions aren’t earth shattering–but I’m a purpose girl.
I want to be used somehow. And if this space isn’t doing that: I need to rethink it.
I’m scared of failure.
I’m scared of bulldozing through on my own.
I’m scared of missing His voice telling me clearly how He wants to use me.
I have more projects and ideas in my brain then I have time to complete.
I have more chores on my to-do list than I have time to finish.
{I am also the type of person that doesn’t want a to-do list scribbled out on paper: I want it to be a creative list, beautifully designed and written. Something so aesthetically pleasing, I will admit, that it’ll make me want to do these chores and tasks. Haha, I know that type of list doesn’t really exist–but I’m still on the prowl to create one!}
I’ve shared this struggle a little before.
I feel a bit like a broken record.
The truth is, I’m still learning what it means to be a mommy. It’s still a shock to my system having a boss not yet the age of two.
I’m learning if I don’t set goals–things don’t happen.
And if I don’t document or say them, they are easy to ignore and purposely forget.
I’m not sure how my processing of these thoughts will impact this little ‘ole space of mine.
It’s your space as much as it is mine.
I want you to be encouraged when you visit more than anything.
I want to share my heart with you, but also hear yours.
Will you be patient as I continue figuring it out? Maybe we can figure it out together.
I’ve begun writing some tangible daily goals for myself.
{and by tangible, I mean goals that shouldn’t even need to be goals: change into non-workout clothing before lunch each day.}
and Yes, if you’re wondering: that is a goal of mine.
My prayer for this space is that my words would be His. I pray that they are laced in love and encouragement. I want these words to be a love letter for my husband and children–if I am taken before they, I never want them to doubt how much they are loved.
My prayer for this space is that my heart would be too–it’s too easy to compare and feel inadequate, but those feelings aren’t from Him. I want to teach–y’all want to learn to knit? Let’s learn–I want you to accomplish things. I want you to love what He is showing and teaching you.
My prayer for this space is that He would continue His promise: turn me into something beautiful is my mantra, because I believe He promises to do that. For each of us, if we’ll let Him.
And that beauty is infectious. It fills people with joy.
Not so I can pat myself on the back–but so I can give the credit to Him.
figuring it out and laying my mess on the table.
xo.
