Oh hello. For the past two weeks I’ve been telling myself, “tomorrow I’ll write down these feelings. Tomorrow I’ll write a quick update…..I’m just not ready to do it today.”
I’ve decided I will probably never be ready — just like so many things in life right? I remember telling my friend Kate that I needed more time before we moved…just give me 6 more weeks, I told her. Her response was perfect: “Kacia, you have to rip the bandaid off at some point.”
The bandaid has been ripped. The wound has been healing, but I’m realizing that it’s going to take a while. Sorry for the visual, but it feels like just when I’m feeling a bit more settled, I pick the scab off…..and I’m back to square one again.
I started crying before I started typing–and now I’m squinting at my screen. ha. I’m constantly reminding myself of all the good: there is so much of it.
It’s still okay to just stand in the kitchen and cry though, right?
But through those tears, I look into our little living room/dining room/office/storage/pantry and the tears turn into true true tears of joy. We’re squished together, and I told Andy today that I might never want to live in much more space than we have now. We’re simplifying in big ways, there’s no basement to hideaway in or a separate sewing room or office to disappear to. Harlow is sharing a room with her brother like she’s been begging to from day one. We are constantly laughing at the “no, I don’t have to go to the bathroom,” until someone else is going to the bathroom….and then hurrybecauseIreallyhavetogonownowNOW problem that we are encountering with only one bathroom now. And the truth? I love it.
Harlow is responding so well to the change — we have more time as a family and it is truly impacting all of us in positive ways. She sees me cry, and I hate that, but I love the conversations we have as a result. Andy told me the other day how much he treasured her empathy towards others, and he couldn’t have said it better. She would always come home from school concerned about a friend who was sick or fell or was crying. Almost every day she prays for her mommy to find new friends — and I know God’s listening. :)
Jones is still his smiling self … with 2 teeth! Well, they’ve broken through and now I’m not feeling as crazy for wondering why his non existent sleep, his non-stop boogers and his random low grade fever have been the new norm.
We took two days to drive out to Boston — the moving truck arrived the following morning. Harlow instantly fell in love with the fact that “we have an elevator in our house!” Not really, but we take an elevator to get to our apartment, and it’s basically Christmas every time we come or go for a 3 year old. Our space is slowly becoming home–I see the light of it, I do! I’m working hard to not just have a temporary mindset, but to truly settle in and make it home for however long we are here. I miss our house in Pittsburgh when I think about it, but it really is amazing how little the structure matters when the people you love are near. The minute we walked into the empty apartment and blew up air mattresses for our first night there: it was already home.
Andy is loving his job so far (all 4 days! ha!) and he spent 2 hours of his Friday stuck in an elevator until the fire department came to get them all out. I’m not sure all of his days will be that exciting, but I am so proud of the role he is stepping into and what the department does for so many children and families. If you remember, Harlow names each of Andy’s work by their color — in Pittsburgh, he had the Red Work and Green Work (and 2 Grey Works for a few hours here and there.) She was always very aware of where he was each day: often remembering what his new schedule would be at quarter change before I did. The Friday of the week we arrived, Harlow was so excited to take the train in to visit her daddy’s new work. She’s already named it the Blue Work and asks regularly when we’ll be going back to visit.
Spring has kind of? arrived here in Boston? I’m hoping things spring into at least the 60s here soon, but I’m happy the snow has melted (for the most part!). We plan on meeting Andy at the commuter rail station as often as possible, and I know we will only do this more as the weather gets warmer!
We found a park just a block away from our apartment.
We found a Thai restaurant and a takeout Mexican place that we already love. Priorities, people. ;)
We are hoping to visit the library this week — and we can’t wait to explore the beaches too.
Boston, warm. up.
And from the mouth of this Wisconsin gal who was scared to move to New England: everyone is so kind. Well, the guy I stopped for, who walked out into the street and then yelled profanities at me (I was driving) the entire time wasn’t really very kind, but I’ve learned that there are outliers in everything, right? And the average of everyone is a whole lot of welcoming hearts and kind spirits.
There is so much good here. It is still so hard.
It’s hard walking to the park knowing there won’t be a familiar face. It’s hard not being able to just run to a familiar coffee shop. It’s hardest seeing Harlow long for friends she can call by name and play with at the park — knowing in my heart that she will find them, but it’s hard to explain that to a 3 year old.
It’s hard, but there are so many things in life much, much harder. So many things. The longing for familiarity forces me to get out there, and each day I see more good. Each day it gets easier.
Slowly but surely it’s turning into home.
xo
You’ll get there Kacia! Every new place offers the bittersweetness of moving on and the joy of discovering how God wants to use you in this new place. Plus it is so much fun to explore and find the awesome in it. And I know that you and Andy already have the awesome in your home bc you two love each other and those sweet babies so much. I hope that Boston starts to feel like home very quickly but that you don’t forget Pittsburgh!
When Micah was 3 and we moved to WI he would see kids and say withe enthusiasm “There’s my friends I haven’t met yet!”
I work from a home office but for the bulk of my employment over the last 10 years, I’ve worked for and with people up there in MA (still do). It’s the best bunch of people I’ve had the privilege to work with, so I have high hopes/confidence you are going to make some amazing friends there and get to do equally awesome things.
Having made big huge moves before (from FL to WA, then back again) I know the feeling, no matter how much good the move brings, so sending you big hugs as you adjust.
I can’t wait to see what you do to decorate your new space! Sending prayers through this transition. xo
haley
I can’t wait to see what you do to decorate the new space! Sending prayers for the transition, it will get easier.
xo,
Haley
oh Kacia,
Everyone here in Pittsburgh misses you just as much as you miss us. We all are adjusting the same way. THANK GOD FOR FACETIME, SKYPE ETC>!
I pass your old house alot. We do a job right up the road and if i would have known earlier that your family was the family living in that beautiful home i would have stopped by oh so much.
That house looks different since you have left…. Not by looks. But it’s like a puuzle piece missing and that puzzle piece is you and your family.
We are you adjusting… BTW I know you guys just left but when are you coming back>?>> to visit or to stay>>
Welcome to Boston. I moved here about 12 years ago from Minnesota and was a little unsure of the move to New England, but the people I have met are incredibly kind and generous. And don’t worry about the weather – we tend to go from this dreary grey that we have now to sunny beautiful summer weather practically overnight.
My uncle (who is a retired Army colonel) and aunt used to have a sign hanging in their home that said “Home Is Where The Army Sends You”. As long as the four of you are together, you will always be home.
Miss you, though. Your namesake had her 5th birthday this past weekend, and she sends Harlow her love.
May the Northside’s loss be Boston’s gain.
This is probably old news, but I’m a recent follower, so I get a pass, right? Just wondering where you’re from in WI. I was born and raised in Green Bay, but I’ve since moved to Milwaukee.
I grew up in La Crosse :)
I moved to Boston a few years ago when my husband got into a graduate school program up here. It took some getting used to, but it is such a beautiful city! Good luck!
Moving is so hard! We moved all the way from Washington to Florida this year, and it’s definitely hard, and so lonely. I hope you find some lovely friends soon!
I totally get it – just did this 8 months ago. praying for you lots and I’m jealous you found a thai place, that is one thing I’m still missing :( :(
It’s as if you’ve taken a page from my story and made me feel soooo much better. I’m in a strikingly similar situation, 3 weeks to move, new great job for the husband and thrown into a new community with two littles. Thank you for saying how Harlow sees you cry and talks about it. We do the same here and it does feel like a lesson when mommy explains why she’s crying. All I can say is, thank you for sharing in such a beautifully written way. It truly made my day.
I know your feelings very well. The emotional bandaid has been ripped and is raw. We moved 9 weeks ago for my husband’s job promotion from upstate New York to North Dakota. We left friends and church we had made the past five years. We know no one and are attending a church that is much larger than we are use to. We don’t have young children so meeting people thru them isn’t going to happen. We’ve done this twice now going from Missouri, to Ohio, then New York and now North Dakota. It is miserable and I know those tears and pain well. When we moved to NY I use to go to the grocery every day to talk to this one lady at the check out…pathetic! I can’t even find anyone twice here!!! It does get better but it takes time. A house is a building you make a home with what is inside. Best wishes as you continue to settle!
Yes, yes, yes, it’s OK to cry in the kitchen! Or wherever you wish. Moving is hard and it takes time to connect and feel like home and have community. It’s HARD! No matter how “right” the move is, it’s hard. Write it down (as you did here).
I am bias since I grew up there, but I think Boston will grow on you. But it so much about having friends and connections and someone to call to go get coffee or the park. It will come. It will.
We move every few years, and it doesn’t get easier each time, no matter what they say. This past move has been the hardest (we’ve been here a year, although it doesn’t feel that long), but finding a church has been our best comfort. The kids still don’t have many friends, but they’re learning to play with each other and find things to do on their own, and I think that will serve them well later in life. I hate walking in our neighborhood and not being able to jump in to conversations that the neighbor wives are all having because I don’t know them. Being an introvert doesn’t help ;-)
I am playing catch up and JUST realizing that you are in Boston. How did I miss this?! WELCOME!
It is so hard to adjust to a new place – new routines, new people, new places. It can be difficult to meet the RIGHT people and make connections – I feel for you, mama! I am local and would be happy to offer some suggestions or answer questions (although I think you are probably doing just fine if you’ve figured out the T!!). <3