The request to wear her sister always seemed to come at the worst time: Lucia was hungry, tired or the house was just chaotic. I’d said no and not right now and maybe tomorrow too many times to count, so I prepared her:
“It might be quick. She’s pretty hungry and tired.”
As I helped Harlow wrap her, Lucia was fussy and squirmy. I was nervous that Harlow would get overwhelmed by it all. After only a few minutes, I told her I should probably just take her out to feed her and calm her down.
“No mommy. I can do this.”
And with that, she walked away, bouncing gently, patting Lucia’s back with one hand as she held her pacifier with the other. She sang in her ear and whispered,
“I’m right here, Lucia. I’m right here! It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Within seconds, Lucia had calmed. And within minutes, she was asleep.
That sister magic is real.
Things have changed a little bit around here! We welcomed Lucia Jane into the world a few weeks ago, and our lives are so much sweeter. Her labor and delivery was all her own — I hope to share it with you soon. I’ve been sharing so much of what I would have been blogging over on instagram, if you care to follow along.
I’d been waiting for the right way to jump back in. Do I apologize for taking such a break? Do I just pretend like I didn’t? So here I am, acknowledging the needed break and moving on. I’m ready to give this space a much needed makeover. I’m anxious to share what we’ve been up to. I’ve miss you all.
Thanks for sticking around and being patient with me.
So many things to say, not really sure where to start. I feel as if I’m going for a run after a year long hiatus — I’ve missed it, yet it takes somea lot of motivation to get there….and to keep going!
A lot has been happening since my last post in this space ….almost three months ago. Whoops! After moving to a new town, moving again, reprioritizing, and really just realizing I needed to let go of some of the mental stress I had going on, I stepped away.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?
This long deep breath has been so good. So many little changes that have amounted to a lot. The biggest change was simply a moment to get my health – both mentally and physically – back in order and also see what I missed the most.
I’ve taken a break from creating….almost entirely! (Well, except for this baby zapping all my energy!) It’s been hard, but it’s been good. I sound like a bit of a broken record, but I just needed to miss it! I had gotten to a point where I didn’t feel like I was creatively being true to myself. I was constantly feeling behind, due to not giving myself adequate periods of time off during packing and moving from Pittsburgh, living in a temporary apartment, and packing and moving again to our home. I think part of that was to keep me distracted from dealing with all the change and missing so much back in Pittsburgh, so forcing myself to face everything head on has been…you guessed it: hard, but good.
I have so many idea whirling around my head, and we have changes ahead for us as a family, and I truly have missed you all. I’m not going to put crazy pressures on myself to create the most pin-able projects or crafts. I’m not going to stress about perfectly formulated posts and schedules. I want to get back to just sharing some favorites and finds. I want to get back to opening my front door a bit and saying, hey! come see what our crazy little life is like.
As the kids get older, I’m more and more aware of the internet space. I’m not sure exactly what that means, so it’ll be a process, I’m sure.
I could keep going – I mean, really! 3 months to catch up on! But I’ll end it here, with some photos to follow, of course.
announced on instagram a few months ago — surprise!
“Just to show me how much he loves me. They are even pink!”
Thanks for sticking around. I truly have missed you all.
I recently changed web hosts, and in doing so, realized that my email was down for about a month. I’m so sorry if you emailed and had your email message returned. It should be up and running now — please email me again. I’m so sorry! xo
Give thanks in all circumstances. I Thessalonians 5:18a
Praying you have a wonderful day with family, focusing on blessings more than the material and edible, but the immense blessings we cannot see as well.
The ScanNCut2 is going to be on HSN today! Super excited to share more of the new features of the ScanNCut2 with you–working on tutorials as I write this!–but today is a great day to get it at a good price. My friend Julie is going to be sharing the new machine and features today on HSN. The tentative air times are 10am and 2pm, and you can stream it live online if you don’t get the HSN channel!
We are still pulling ourselves out of long weekend land – it was full of outdoor movies, swimming, frozen yogurt, and morning cuddles.
I often think of laughter as a distant memory or an old friend. I look back on it fondly, missing its authentic sound and voice. I never forget, but as time goes on, the small details lose clarity.
What exactly did her voice sound like?
That door was what shade of blue?
And time continues. Moments and faces fill the spaces once occupied by those tiny details now fussy in my memory.
I often think about laughter in this way.
I often think of laughter as a muscle once used, once strong.
The memory of the motion — the running, the lifting, the punches — is still there, but the memory isn’t enough to maintain the strength.
It must be flexed and used. It must be broken and strained, so that it can grow stronger.
I often think about laughter in this way.
With motherhood came the responsibility of more lives than just my own. Lives I put before mine — even as I sleep, with one eye open. Always watching, always looking, always thinking….
always worrying.
I find it so easy to worry, yet so difficult to laugh. The worry plays the trump card in every hand. The laughter is moved to the “do tomorrow” list.
I’ve strengthened the muscle of worry. I’ve revisited its memories and face. I’ve let my laughter muscles atrophy.
The worry voice sings loudly:
Did I play with them enough today?
Did I show my love?
Did the bill get paid?
Why didn’t he nap?
What will others think?
What if… what when… how will…
From the lightweights to the heavy-hitters, I allow them to consume me. Punching down the genuine laughter, leaving reasons to worry behind.
If you can get me to laugh — really laugh — you’ll hear chuckles turned to silent, shoulder-shaking laughter. As I silently laugh with tears streaming down my face, small squeaks make their way out as I inhale. An friend of mine used to call me “window washer”: my laughter mimicking the tiny squeaks you hear as the glass is polished until it is shiny and clean.
Shiny and clean.
Motherhood isn’t shiny and clean — you can do it all “right” and still be left with heartache.
Is it possible to laugh while the heart hurts? It is possible to genuinely laugh when life just feels hard and heavy?
I want to be the window washer again.
Harlow has a laugh that is simply beautiful. She squishes up her nose. She squints her eyes shut. She giggles loudly. She laughs often.
The other day I said to her, “Harlow, I love your giggles.”
She replied so matter of factly: “I just love to laugh, mommy.”
And in that moment I realized that laughter is like so many things forgotten: it doesn’t have to be.
It is a muscle that doesn’t want to be lost. It is a sound that wants to fill the air. It is a feeling that wants to be experienced, contagious to oneself and others.
In that moment, I realized my motherhood needs my laughter.
Laughter doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. Laughter doesn’t mean that I have this motherhood gig — or life gig — figured out.
Laughter means finding joy in the tiniest of moments: to even for a moment forget all the reasons to worry. I want to show my kids that life is more than responsibilities–being their mommy is more than the weight of it all. It is having the honor to laugh at the crayon mural on the freshly painted wall, to laugh at the joke you’ve heard one thousand times, to laugh with joy when it doesn’t mean you are happy.
Even in the middle of heartache.
Laughter may not make the world shiny and clean, but I’m beginning to believe that the sound of true laughter has the ability to polish a small piece of the heart. One moment at at time.
After arriving in the Boston area a few weeks ago, we were welcomed by a few warm days ….with quite a few chilly days sprinkled in. I wasn’t sure if my definition of spring weather was just very different than New England spring? I was hoping for mornings a little warmer than high thirties and days that would squeak above sixty with full sunny skies, but we were hovering around 50 and windy.
Bleh.
Someone then said to me, “Boston tends to skip right past Spring. You’ll have a few warm days, the majority will be cold, and then overnight it starts getting hot every day and you’re ready for the beach.”
They couldn’t have been more correct.
Well, until I look at the forecast for the upcoming week and we are back down to sixties…but I’ll take it!
Harlow’s been going to school two days a week — it’s a full day and she loves it! She also comes home absolutely exhausted, which means the days following school days are full of pretty low-key mornings. I could listen to Harlow’s imagination for hours, as she plays with her Play Mobil figures and creates castles for them with legos and Tegu blocks. She incorporates her princesses with her nativity set — sometimes they all go watch a movie in the stable, followed by a ride in the ambulance. It’s always highly entertaining.
I’m usually up around 5:30 while Andy’s getting ready to hop on the train. I enjoy my first cup of coffee while we tip-toe around the tiny apartment, pulling together a lunch for him or quietly emptying the dishwasher. Usually I have a bit of downtime to read or jump in the shower before the kiddos wake up, but once they do, we all hang out in the living room/dining room/office ;) as I play zone defense keepings Jones from getting into Harlow’s figures ….and tumbling as he tries to let go and take a step on his own. We usually have music playing and I’m downing my second (or third…) cup of coffee.
This one morning, I decided I wanted to document what these mornings look like for us in this tiny space. We don’t typically get this much light in the morning, so it was a rare treat that I couldn’t let pass by.
Even though most everything is still new around us, it’s comforting to have new “normals” finding their place. I love realizing I know my way home, so I can turn off my GPS.
I love hearing Harlow declare, “this is our new home, and I love it.”
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